Friday, March 13, 2009


The trains in philly are really shitty and i always have to take a train and a bus to get home. The busses don't suck that much.

I tried to get change and the dude behind the glass pointed at a sign that said "Exact Fare Only." Luckily the train had arrived with perfect timing, and i hopped that shit and ran in, giving the SEPTA clerk a big fuck you.

i sat down, feeling sort of out of my mind and still halfway drunk from the night before. Across the train was a late 20s something business man eating a hot dog. He was hot, great jawline blue eyes. I replaced the hot dog with a mental image of a throbbing dick. Imagining him really enjoying this raging boner in between two buns, topped with "mancraut", instead of the sour kind. Poor guy had no clue that somebody was getting off to him having a quick bite to eat.

Do i look that hot when i'm eating a hot dog? do older men walking passed me feel their meaty gristle throb while i enjoy this fine german treasure? do they imagine me eating more than one at a time, or perhaps they want me to feed them these delicious sausages through a hole in the library bathroom...

i hop off the train and walk across the street to put these questions to the test. I pay 1.25 for a medium sized hot dog. ketchup, mustard, extra mayo. I walk towards the bus stop and go to town on this meat treat. Taking little bites, and inconspicuously eye fucking every passer byer. Men, women and children.Absolutely no living creature is safe for these next twelve minutes. This is the longest its ever taken me to eat one of these. Sitting down at the stop, i noticed a dude staring. He probably still lives at his moms house and has her bleach out the shit tracks from his over sized underwear hes had since he was 15. Not hot. I want to tell him that while he watches me eat my hot dog, my loins are crying.

Instead i looked down and noticed all the extra mayo had dripped down my shirt and onto my black jeans. The extra mayo that for all intended purposes was supposed to emulate wads of cum. Fuck this. I didn't feel sexxy anymore, and i didn't think anyone was fantasizing about how many hot dogs i could fit in my mouth without trying either. The bus gets there, so i get on and head the fuck home.